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Post by LilPippin on Apr 19, 2005 20:48:08 GMT 1
I am submitting this for a contest by Random House for my county.
Silver Tears
This misted corridor seems to cease to conclude. As I precede with lead-filled legs. My destined course never seems clear, As I find myself down brumous roads. All along I dry these gleaming silver tears.
My future is shaded by a hazy obscure My decisions creating these walls. I feel remote and then so near To what I desire to become. All along I dry these gleaming silver tears.
Cavities litter this interminable hall. Shadowed, memorized they persist. Echoes of sobs are all I hear, As an abyss snares my weary soul. All along I dry these gleaming silver tears.
The fog vanishes, and I find a brand new way But it’ll soon regress once again. My journey hindered by great fears, Each time its harder to surpass. All along I dry these gleaming silver tears.
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Post by Rev on Jul 13, 2005 4:18:41 GMT 1
Ooh..that's really nice Pip. I really like it! Good luck in the contest
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Post by LilPippin on Aug 4, 2005 19:03:38 GMT 1
Thanks Rev, I will let you know how I did
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Post by LilPippin on Aug 27, 2005 20:30:07 GMT 1
OK so I just got the letter saying that my short story (no not "Painted Toenails", that one was a different competition and no it didn't win) and poem won. However I do not know which places. I will keep you posted on it.
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Post by sonic on Sept 1, 2005 20:52:51 GMT 1
awwww that is sooo sad it made me start to tear up that poem is AWESOME pip!!!! I love the imagery and connotation you use to give the reader a sense of depression, and a feeling as if all the life were sucked out of them ahhhhhhhhh, that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by LilPippin on Sept 8, 2005 20:15:15 GMT 1
[rant]*is mad at self*... where I have obscure, it should be obscurity. But I didn't write it that way. Now it is grammatically incorrect! Just like my teachers who write "interconnectedness" in the warm-up. Hello.... its interconnection. *bang head* [/rant]
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Post by LilPippin on Sept 28, 2005 20:48:34 GMT 1
Okay so I got bored during Algebra and wrote this instead of working on those word problems. I'm looking for title ideas for the one I have is merely a working title. Let me know what can be fixed please. And don't tell me that I have fragments. I know that I do... I thought they sounded much better. Taking Comfort
Feeling so wretched in the night, the toddler clings to her pink baby blanket and cries into its warmth. Because her pink blanket doesn’t steal the blocks she had been playing with or color on her Crayola masterpiece. It doesn’t do anything at all, but its silence makes it perfect.
Feeling so wretched in the night, the teenager clings to her childhood doll and cries into its comfort. Because her smiling baby doll doesn’t pressure her with homework or contribute to her daily friend dramas. It doesn’t do anything at all, but its neutrality makes it perfect.
Feelings so wretched in the night, the woman clings to her husband and cries into his shoulder. Because her husband doesn’t add to her workload or reject work that took forever. In fact, he doesn’t do anything but love her unconditionally.
And that makes him perfect.
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Post by Ven on Sept 29, 2005 1:48:17 GMT 1
*sobs* *is speechless* Wow, Pip, you have such a talent for just, like, making everything flow into each other! *sobs* That was soooo incredibly good!!
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Post by sonic on Oct 8, 2005 16:44:05 GMT 1
aww, that is soo beautiful Pip, I like the fact that you did your poem as a girl gorwing up- different stages of life,
for some reason it reminded me of the 7 stages of life by Shakespeare that we read last year in G.P lit
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Rilda
Elven Commander
Write to good fortune - and write back soon. :c)
Posts: 460
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Post by Rilda on Oct 30, 2005 3:45:05 GMT 1
I love it, too...it's...well,...Everything about it seems to already have been said. Yup--just one more stage to go, for me. (By the way, I have a dirty stuffed rabbit instead of a doll, I'm sure you really wanted to know that. )
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Post by LilPippin on Nov 8, 2005 23:07:00 GMT 1
lol... I have a lot of stuffed animals. A purple doll. (a baby with a bonnet) And then I have Lucky and Dipstick from 101 Dalmations. (my favorite movie when I was younger) And then I have Elladan, a green bunny rabbit that I got recently. And then a bear that I got even more recently named Elrohir. Yup...!
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