To Share The Burden
written by:LilPip
The sun was shining. Elrohir Peredhel was as depressed as an elf could ever be, but the sun was still shining. The squirrels still chased each other up the trees, the water still glistened as it lightly snaked across the land. The elven wives smiled happily as their husbands came home safely from protecting the realm. Elflings ran across the fields playing their childish games. How could everything and everyone keep going while his sorrow kept pushing him farther down a darkened tunnel?
How could the world keep spinning and just leave him behind? He didn’t know why. But he did know why he was still alive. It was because of Elladan. His twin. Their bond was so strong that one could not remain alive while the other was deceased. Their destiny was to remain together forever. Elrohir owed Elladan that much, he was not going to let his brother die! Elladan still had the chance to live his life and Elrohir was not going to take it away from him.
But his longing was so strong. He yearned to see her again, to feel her touch, to be surrounded by her love. And with her death, everything else went with her. Their love was so strong. He did not understand how something so beautiful, so precious, could be taken away from him in a mere second. It was all stolen with an orc arrow. He would never live his life the same way again.
After her death he wallowed in his despair. He didn’t realize that a month later he had lost a lot of weight, was not eating as much, and was growing weaker and weaker by the day. The House of Elrond was worried. Elrohir was only a little over 100 years old and he had everything to live for. Elladan worried about his best friend, his twin, his only sibling. Elrond and Celebrían were worried about their son. Glorfindel worried about his friend and companion. Elrohir had no idea. He had no idea that people still cared about him. To him, nothing but her mattered. And now that she was gone... what else was worth living for?
He had these thoughts every day since her death a month ago. A part of his mind always dwelled on “What if..?” A part of his mind always wondered if suicide would satisfy his desires. Another part, the rational part, always focused on Elladan. He was glad that that part always prevailed against the two others. Elrohir was going to make sure that Elladan lived his life to the fullest, even though he couldn’t. She would never leave his mind. He would never fall in love again. No one could come even remotely close to being as special to him as she was. But Elladan still had a chance to find love, it was not right for Elrohir to take it away from him.
Many days were exactly the same as this day. After Elrohir would eat his minimal breakfast he would go to the garden where they had first kissed. The flowers looked very much the same, but Elrohir no longer could see their beauty. He would then walk around Imladris, reminiscing about his life, and then he would fall asleep on a bench because he was too weak to do much more. Then Elladan would wake him up and tell him that he was expected for dinner. They would enter the dining hall together. Elrohir would eat 1/3 of the meal and would retire to bed without having a dessert. In his sleep he would be plagued with nightmares, memories of those last moments when their eyes met as she fell to the bloody ground. When he awoke the next morning the same routine occurred again.
“Elrohir?” That was Elladan coming to tell him it was time for dinner. Elrohir’s identical twin came around the corner and sat himself next to Elrohir on the bench. “Elrohir, its time for dinner.” He helped Elrohir to get up and accompanied him to the dining hall.
“Why won’t you let me in, Elrohir?” Elladan half whispered to himself as they walked down one of the halls. “Why won’t you let me help you?” Elrohir didn’t answer. Either he hadn’t heard his twin or he didn’t want to have heard him.
Dinner, as always, was quiet. Elrohir’s emotions were magnified and no one wanted to test them. They ate their dinner in silence and watched as Elrohir played with his food, his fork circling the plate without pause. Celebrían wanted to reach out to her son as mothers always do, you could tell by her eyes. They were glistening with unshed tears. Elrond’s stress headaches came more often. At dinner he was rubbing his temples, easing the ache. Pretending to be brave and unaffected, Elladan also ate in silence. He left as soon as he was finished. As Glorfindel observed the family, he finally realized that this could not go on any longer. He would deal with the situation.
The next day, as Elrohir slept upon a bench, Glorfindel approached the half-elf. He gently shook Elrohir’s shoulder, feeling only slightly bad about waking him. Elrohir’s eyelids opened and he looked at Glorfindel questioningly. Why was he being woken? Elrohir adjusted his position so that Glorfindel could sit on the bench as well. Glorfindel sat down and then spoke.
“You aren’t remembering what I told you.” Elrohir tilted his head, clearly confused. Glorfindel continued, “the knives are supposed to protect each other equally, they are supposed to share the burden.” Without taking a glance at Elrohir’s reaction, Glorfindel stood and pulled Elrohir up with him. “Come we are having a much needed lesson.”
Elrohir followed the elf reluctantly. He was tired, all he wanted was to relax like he always did. Glorfindel stopped him as they reached an open training field. There were a few elves sparring with one another in scattered places throughout the field. He threw Elrohir two knives, identical in appearance, and Elrohir only just caught them. He twirled them around his fingers, it had been awhile since he had held the twin knives. A golden vine circled around the hilt of both knives, the wood used of high quality. The blades shone a mix of gold and silver as the sun hit them. Suddenly as Elrohir was lost in thought from examining the blades, a flash of silver flew towards him. Glorfindel stopped the knife’s progression as Elrohir began to instinctively bring up the blade in his right hand. Glorfindel’s knife was an inch away from Elrohir’s neck, Elrohir had been too slow to stop the knife.
“You never know when your attacker will make the first move. Always keep both knives ready,” Glorfindel said as he lowered the weapon. Elrohir stood wide-eyed. Suddenly he understood and took a lunge at Glorfindel. Glorfindel brought up both knives in an “X” and blocked Elrohir’s knife from plunging into his body. They fought like that for a half hour before Glorfindel stopped Elrohir again. Elrohir was breathing heavily from the exertion which he was not used to, especially recently.
“You’re favoring your right hand! Both hands are supposed to work the same amount equally. You can’t give your right hand all the blocking, and your left hand all of the lunging. They need to work together to block and lunge. I know you can do this, Elrohir, you used to be a champion at this.”
Elrohir nodded. He used to be, past tense. Something was wrong. Elrohir had an odd feeling that this conversation was not about twin-knives.
It wasn’t.
That was what Glorfindel had been trying to tell him.
He wasn’t letting himself and Elladan work together like the twin knives were supposed to.
He was pushing Elladan away and making himself get through the ordeal on his own.
It wasn’t supposed to be like that.
Twins are supposed to support each other.
To help each other. To share burdens...
He needed to speak to Elladan. Glorfindel smiled as he noticed Elrohir catching on. The younger elf thrust his knives into Glorfindel’s hands and took off running. Glorfindel sheathed the knives and walked up to his room. Once there he fell asleep on the bed still fully clothed.
“Elladan?”
Elladan was in his own room as well. He was painting. It was one of the only ways he could forget for awhile. And sometimes he just really needed to forget.
“Elladan?”
Was someone calling him? He looked up. Elrohir was at his door! Elladan put his painting to the side and walked over to his twin. Elrohir looked very tired. Was he sweating? What had he been doing all day? He grabbed Elrohir by the hand and led him to the bed. Elrohir sat down and Elladan soon followed. They both were sitting cross-legged facing each other. Elladan once again reached out to grab Elrohir’s hand.
“I need to speak to you” Elrohir said quietly. Elladan nodded for him to continue.
“Glorfindel took me out to the training fields today and made me practice with my twin-knives. He kept telling me that I was giving the burden to only one of the knives and that both knives were supposed to defend and attack equally. They were supposed to protect each other. I didn’t realize until just now that he wasn’t talking about knives. He was talking about us. Elladan, I am so sorry that I shut you out.”
“Elrohir, I am glad Glorfindel opened your eyes. Now open up to me, talk to me. Let me help you.” Elladan replied consolingly.
“‘Dan, I miss her so much. It hurts like you wouldn’t believe.” Elrohir began crying. Elladan moved closer to his twin and enveloped him in a hug. Elrohir continued to cry on his shoulder. Finally, everything felt right. Elrohir would heal. Eventually, the pain would fade and Elrohir could move on in his life. Elladan realized that nothing felt more right at this moment. His brother was finally letting him help him, as he should’ve a long time ago.
They heard a knock at the door. Glorfindel stood in the doorway. He told them that it was time for dinner. Elrohir nodded, dried his tears, and smiled. As the twins walked out the door Elladan gave a heartfelt ‘thank-you’ to Glorfindel.
The older elf smiled as he replied. “It was no problem, Elladan. I love your brother as well.”
Dinner had a completely different feeling that evening. Elrohir was actually laughing. He was eating
and laughing. Elladan had no problem joining in. Elrond and Celebrían were ecstatic to see their son finally beginning to heal, but they had one more thing that would make this day perfect. Before dessert was to be served, Elrond rose from his seat. He cleared his throat a few times and the dining hall went silent. The head cook waved for all the staff in the kitchens to come out.
“My wife and I have an announcement that I’m sure all of you will be excited to hear. We have all watched my sons grow into fine young elves who are an asset to Imladris. As children they were often a cause of laughter. My wife and I realized that we wanted another. This house needs another child. We are going to have a baby girl.”
Elrohir was very surprised. His parents had not spoken to them of this. He was going to be a big brother. Elrohir let out shriek of glee as the room erupted into various forms of pleasure. Elrohir and Elladan got up and hugged their parents. They were going to add another member to their family! As the noise died down the head cook ushered the staff back inside and soon the dessert was served.
That night Celebrían and Elrond asked their sons to come in their room before they went to bed. Elrohir and Elladan arrived at the same time and sat down in two of the chairs. Celebrían sat down on the bed, her hair still wet from her shower and told the boys that Elrond would be there soon. Not long later Elrond entered, a stack of papers in his hands.
“Sorry my sons, I got held up signing papers.” He joined the group.
“We wanted to talk to you about this baby. As you know she’s a girl and we were thinking of some names. If it was okay with both of you, especially you, Elrohir, we wanted to name her Arwen.” said Celebrían gently.
Elrohir didn’t know what to say. They wanted to name her Arwen after her. Would he be able to see this child everyday, call her Arwen, and be able to stand not knowing what could have been?
Yes, actually. Arwen would be the perfect name for this child.
Just as Elrond began to think that maybe the name Arwen wasn’t such a good idea, Elrohir smiled and nodded his consent.
“Ada, Nana, I believe Arwen is the perfect name for our new sister,” said Elrohir happily.
End note: You know the drill. Please tell me what you think!
Basically, I can only say-- I love it! And hey- I know you said you're getting review deprived-- hope this helps in some way. Don't ever stop writing- you're too good and have waaay to much talent to let it go to waste!